One of the questions we get asked often is how to develop the skill of being able to listen actively AND ask appropriate, good, questions.
There is an enormous amount to say about the art of good questions. Entire books have been written on the subject. So for now, this post will just focus on a few tactical tips for managers who know what coaching is and is not, and want to build up expertise in being able to ask good questions when needed.
It would be great if you could add to these tips with your own experience! What works for you?
- In the beginning, prior to an important conversation where coaching skills might be used, reviewed a list of ideal coaching questions (my master list). These jolt the memory and somehow they began to appear naturally in conversations.
- Be aware of the purpose of the conversation or part of the conversation you are in. By being aware for example that we are working on developing a clear, meaningful, measurable goal, then your mind has that context or focus and relevant questions appear.
- Every so often, focus on a particular part of the coaching conversation. I found for example, that in general, in my coaching conversations, I was not spending enough time in goal setting, so I focused on the types of questions that could really help clarify goals. I studied them, I wrote them down (there is something about writing things down that helps it stick in the brain better) and then I experimented with them in different conversations.
- After significant conversations, reflect on what worked and what did not worked. What questions seemed to have had a positive impact? Which ones did not work? Write down and add good questions that you asked (or heard others ask) to your list of master questions.
- Think about how you know which questions worked and which did not?
- Read books about asking questions. There are lots on the market. Pick one and see what you can learn from it.
- Focus on your listening skills. The more you actively listen to the other person, the more you am curious about their ideas and challenges and progress and solutions, the less you worry about having the right question and the more often the right question pops up.
- Eliminate all distractions when listening. Most of my coaching is by telephone so I shut the door to my office. I close down email, I make sure my mobile phone is on vibrate mode or even off. It is just too easy if there is a lull in the conversation, some silence, to stop listening (that is hard work after all) and click on my recent emails.
- When you ask a question that obviously is not a good choice of question (for example, a leading question with an ideal solution in mind), ask the other person if they mind if you repose the question in a different way.
- Keep in mind, there is no such thing as asking the perfect question. Some questions work better in some situations, some work better in others. It is about experimenting.
- Practice in social settings. When you are in a social conversation with an acquaintance or friend or colleague, focus on your attitude of curiosity and interest , helping others tell their interesting stories, through asking questions rather than telling your stories.
- Keeping your attitude honed in on curiosity and respect really helps a lot.
- We in the coaching world, sometimes ask permission to record conversations. Perhaps practicing with a fellow manager and recording a practice conversation might help if you really want to purposefully practice this skill. Warning: Only record conversations if everyone involved understands the purpose of recording the conversations, agrees to it and agrees to how it will be used!
We look forward to seeing your best practices on asking questions!
The Art of Coaching and Connection 